You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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