Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's great music for shaving your balls
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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