I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
