It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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