He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
