thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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