Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
