arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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