we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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