Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
