There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There are leaves in my underwear?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
