he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
