mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize