There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
