My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
