There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
