My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
