He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
