Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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