You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
