So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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