If that was your dad, he is hot
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
