it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
