He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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