just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize