drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize