Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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