You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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