Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
