Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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