all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
