Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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