grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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