I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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