yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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