return my video game
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
