well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
