Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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