I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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