My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
