I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
