just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
