When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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