i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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