is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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