Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
