sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
