Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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