I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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