Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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