I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
