Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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