I feel like I'm in dance class right now
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
