apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
