Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
