omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
