maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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