All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
tell me about the fingering
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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