If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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