I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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