this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
