Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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