so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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